Yesterday I got off the plane and stepped into fall weather. The highs have been in the 90s in Little Rock all week--now they're in the 60s. People are (maybe a little prematurely, c'mon England) already wearing their peacoats and gloves. I'm wearing one of my thickest sweaters and somehow can't get warm. I think I might be slightly sick, actually, though I'm not sure if its a real cold or one my body made up for me as an excuse not to push to hard these first few days.
I left my luggage at Duchy House on The Strand, where I'll be living this year. I got a chance to see my room, which is minuscule and slightly more expensive than the "small" rooms. I really can't imagine how small the small rooms are. Still, I have high hopes for it. I'm looking forward to moving in and unpacking there tomorrow.
After leaving Duchy House, I wandered my way around Victoria Coach station for a while looking for my bus to Oxford. I had to ask for help twice from the guy at information and the second time he laughed and asked my name.
Him: "Your name's Robyn? Well, we've got a Robin in here! There he is, there." (opening door so that another guy could wave at me)
Me: "Oh yeah? I'm Robyn with a Y."
Him: "Well he's Robyn with an R!"
Oh the English.
I napped helplessly on the bus, especially since the traffic was horrible getting out of London. Then I chatted with the coach driver on the way into Oxford. He could tell I was a student and asked all about me. I got off at High Street and walked right down to Lincoln College with no trouble at all--sometimes you don't remember how familiar a place is until you're there.
European Studies gave me such a warm welcome, and seeing Lincoln again was magic. I was a little worried about going to the last European Studies formal dinner, partially because I'd forgotten my dress and partially because I felt a little uncomfortable not knowing everyone on the program. But I was made to feel extremely welcome by everyone and the food and company was wonderful. I think I needed to see familiar faces and sights arriving here. It's one thing to look forward to and dream about something for so long--it's quite another to actually move to a foreign country and realize that everyone you love is thousands of miles away and you are more alone than you've ever been in your life! That kept me up a little last night, but I slept out of desperation eventually.
Today I slept until noon and spent the day wandering and remembering Oxford. It's the most beautiful, peculiar place in the world, I think. Along with Venice. There's nowhere like it anywhere, and I've loved it so much without ever having a very real part of it. European Studies was a dream, but I still felt like I barely scratched the surface of the city. I walked today, wondering again at what a baffling experience it must be to be a student here. So steeped in tradition, nearly limitless resources as your fingertips. London had all the resources and all the history, too, but it's a different vibe, definitely. I liked strolling and seeing new students carrying suitcases down cobblestones. Not so different from me, embarking on new journeys.
I don't know how many times I'll end up doing this--having a first day somewhere. Next week is "Freshers' week" at the Courtauld, and somehow, even though I'm doing an MA, I'm included. First year. New student. It isn't so different, no matter how many times you do it. Just like in Highschool, just like at Rhodes. You don't really know anyone (scratch that: You definitely don't know anyone. literally no one.), you don't know where anything is. You have to blunder along blind for a while and try to be charming and cool and look like you know exactly what you're doing when you're nervous and out of your element. And I'm fairly certain it will never stop being completely terrifying. No matter how many times I live a first day, it will never be easy. It's exciting and fun too, of course. But there's always that little nagging uncertainty. What if no one likes me? What if I'm too American or too enthusiastic or just a little out of step? What if I can't keep up?
I think everyone feels this. I hope so. Because what you have to do in moments like that is push those thoughts away, remember all the people you have at home who love and care about you, and put on a very bright lipstick. Because no one can say no to a bold lip.
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